I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
