what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
