Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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