i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
