I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
