really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
