sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
