I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
