my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
