Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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