remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
DRUNK COOKIES
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