I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
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Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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