I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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