Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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