so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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