Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
