Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
