ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
