Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
