I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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