dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
