I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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