my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
