So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
