dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
