I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Randomize
