so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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