Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
