I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My dick has a subreddit
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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