I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
