somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You work out of a Hotel?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
