she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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