xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
