Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
