I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
