just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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