What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
