She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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