Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
