is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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