I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize