Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
