She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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