You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
