oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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