i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
