why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
where am i from again
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
