Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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