yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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