Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
