no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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