Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
