Can i not drive my cunt home
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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