theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
