She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
