I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't deserve a penis
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
