he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
