I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
