Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
