you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
