so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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