just come out here and I will go home with you...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
