Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
