dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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