I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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