my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize