she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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