The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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